Mothers Who Don’t Like Their Daughters

If you’re reading this, chances are you can relate. I started this blog because I constantly hear stories about how some mothers treat their daughters—especially the oldest daughter. I sit back and think about it. Some mothers never wanted a child but had one anyway—maybe out of fear of abortion, family pressure, or pressure from a man. Or maybe this child was conceived in rape.

The Foundation of Maternal Bonds

During pregnancy, a mother has the opportunity to bond with her child. Research suggests that prenatal bonding significantly impacts maternal attachment after birth. Studies have shown that mothers who experience stress, resentment, or ambivalence during pregnancy are more likely to struggle with forming a healthy bond with their child after birth. (Source: Journal of Child and Family Studies, 2018).

But what if that bond never formed?

What if, from the very beginning, the mother resented the child, and that baby felt every ounce of that rejection? Psychological studies have found that early maternal rejection or neglect can lead to attachment disorders, low self-esteem, and even difficulties forming healthy relationships later in life (American Psychological Association, 2020).

I can only imagine what goes through a mother’s mind during those months. Whatever happened during that time, one truth remains:

Courage, self-esteem, integrity, morals, trust, kindness, gentleness, and values—all of it starts with the mother.

The Silent Pain of the Firstborn Daughter

I’ve heard too many stories of mothers turning a blind eye, choosing others over their firstborn daughters. You’ve heard them too.

“My mother knew her boyfriend was touching me, coming on to me, and she did nothing.”

But let’s go deeper. The mother’s story is often untold—rape, incest, judgment, embarrassment, the humiliation of the family name. She bottles it up, never speaks on it, and then—who does she take it out on? Who absorbs her rage, her unspoken pain, her bitterness?

Yep—the first daughter.

This child, innocent and unaware, bears the weight of her mother’s wounds. She doesn’t know how to handle the painful words, the threats, the name-calling, the frustration, the anger. She doesn’t understand why her mother spits venom at her, why she carries this unspoken blame.

When Everyone Else Comes First

Mothers will honor, cherish, and do anything in the world for their sons, their younger children, even a niece or nephew—putting everyone else before their firstborn daughter. Studies indicate that in families with gender biases, mothers often favor sons over daughters due to deep-rooted societal norms and expectations (Harvard Gender Studies Report, 2019).

Don’t get me wrong—the firstborn daughter may still have a relationship with her mother, but it’s estranged—more like a friendship or an acquaintance than the sacred bond of mother and child. But that’s not how it should be. A mother is supposed to protect, guide, instill values, teach morals, and help build character.

If you are a firstborn daughter who has a strong, loving relationship with your mother, more power to you. But I know far too many women who cannot say the same.

Where Does the Resentment Begin?

How many times have you heard younger siblings say their big sister was like a mother to them?

“She protected me.”
“She provided for me.”
“She guided me.”

And yet, a silent resentment lingers.

So, tell me—did the jealousy start there?

Did it begin the day the mother brought her daughter home from the hospital and all attention shifted to the baby? Or was it something deeper?

If you’re a mother who doesn’t like her daughter, can you admit it?

Breaking the Silence: Personal Stories

Here are just a few testimonies I’ve heard from women who have walked this path:

🔹 “I spent my whole life wondering why my mom loved my little brother more. She never hesitated to defend him, but when I needed her, she turned away.” — J, 35

🔹 “My mother told me I was a mistake. That she would have had an abortion if she could have. I grew up trying to earn her love, but it never came.” — K, 28

🔹 “She slept with my boyfriend. And when I confronted her, she called me a liar.” — D, 40

Do any of these stories sound familiar?

Can Healing Happen?

Confronting these issues is painful, but it can also be the first step toward healing. Studies on family estrangement show that open conversations—even difficult ones—can lead to breakthroughs (Journal of Family Communication, 2021).

If you’re a daughter carrying this pain, I encourage you:

✅ Be courageous, but respectful.
✅ Confront the truth, even if it shakes you.
✅ If your mother is open to dialogue, help her grow.

And for the mothers reading this:

Can you own up to it? Can you acknowledge the hurt? Can you try to heal?

Resources for Support

If this article resonates with you, know that you are not alone. Here are some resources to help navigate these conversations:

🔹 Mother-Daughter Therapy – Psychology Today Therapist Directory
🔹 Support Groups for Adult Daughters – Daughters Healing Network
🔹 Books on Mother-Daughter Relationships – “Will I Ever Be Good Enough?” by Dr. Karyl McBride

Final Thoughts: A Call to Action

Mothers who don’t like their daughters, tell us why.

Do you even care to face the hurt, the pain, the agony your daughter carries?

Tell her why you chose a man over her.
Tell her why you let her abuser stay.
Tell her why you slept with her boyfriend.

Tell her why.

And then, don’t wonder why she searches for comfort in the arms of others.
Don’t ask why she keeps running.
Don’t ask why she feels lost.
Don’t ask why she struggles to trust.

It’s time to have this conversation. No name-calling. No screaming. No dismissing her as dramatic or rebellious.

Own up to your shit.

And maybe, just maybe—start to heal.