The Key to Healthy Relationships for Women Who Have Never Had One

I’m guilty of having unhealthy relationships with others. The relationships were not always unhealthy. I set back and watched the people first:

– Talk about me behind my back.

– Look down on me.

– Question my testimony of what God is doing in my life.

– Lied in my face.

– Dog walked other people as if the other person had no purpose in life.

– I can go on and on. I’m a little off topic. But, I promise to tie the conversation together in a way you can relate. Let me get back to the dysfunction, effective communication, and the key to women not having a healthy relationship.

When most people picture dysfunction, they imagine sweeping waves of erratic behavior, but most dysfunction is quiet; it is unassuming and clever. It is invisible until met with healthy attachment styles and effective communication.

How do we have effective communication? Hold one another accountable and communicate, even in the hardest times. Be willing to make time for one another, no matter how difficult it may be. Let each other know that you matter and continue to build on that because beautiful relationships make for beautiful women.

1. Try to detect your gut again. Underneath the fear of not wanting to be alone, lies your gut. The fear of abandonment, not trusting anyone for whatever reason. Most of us know the reason why we detach from others. Many of us sit in silence, hoping not ever visit this area of life. Listen to your inner man. The voice of the Holy Spirit.

2. Stop testing yourself as much. I remember a time I needed to feel validated. I would never say it out loud. But, I enjoyed a little pat on the back. I mean I really felt like, If I am not validated, then I am not truly cared for and so I have to pull the rug out before someone beats me to it. When you are stuck in the cycle of Abandonment. Eventually, I grew and matured, I begin to give God all the glory. I suggest you stand still and trust God unchanging hand.

3. Stop the negative talk. Realize your words have power. How do you believe you can make an impact when you think you are so worthless?God will never leave you not forsake you. Realize you are loved without strings, to have longevity, security, unbound devotion. It is happening and it is okay to reach for it.

4. Try to Trust again. Stop talking. Force yourself to listen. Yes, you will be afraid. Do it anyway. All people are bad people. I’d find myself in the past doing the following when fear was present. I learned to Stop myself from saying catchphrase—the one or many I used to boot people out of my life, I had several I used aiming straight for the jugular, eventually, I would be left alone. People will get fed up. So, stop it right now. Instruct yourself in this manner. Wade deeper into your thoughts. Learn to communicate your fear without a concern of judgement.

Try these methods: 1) identify your warning message and ask yourself how else you can respond, 2) hold onto your goal of listening to the other person even as fear bubbles up. Focus on your physical being. Change your reactions as consciously as possible. You are physically present and trying and listening. Your time to talk when you are calmer will come. It is not optimal when you are so keyed up because this argument might go sideways, 3) heed when you have hit your limit, then tell your partner you need a break. Use these words only: “I need a break.” Or “I need a moment.” Do not indicate your inability to cope with tirades borne from fury, fear, panic, or devastation. Use whatever safe phrase works. Share it with your partner prior to arguing so they will know when you can’t continue without danger of going back to a unhealthy place.